Author: Tuhin Bairagi

Conscious Parenting: How the Environment Creates Our Behaviour and Not Genetics?

Conscious Parenting is one of the most committed and responsible tasks bestowed upon the species of Human Beings. As parents, it is our role and responsibility to make sure that we raise Emotionally, Physically & Mentally well-balanced individuals on this planet.

The Theta Stage:

60% of our behaviors are programmed in our cellular memories during the fetal stage in our mother’s womb. And the rest of our programming happens from 0-7 years of age, the most critical years of a child’s foundation where every single thing that’s spoken in the environment, every single action that is going on is being implanted as a memory in the child’s subconscious because the brain during that age is in the Theta Stage( The stage of programming of the subconscious mind).

So it’s very important that we understand how to raise our children. Also that we need to become the ideal examples of being the person we want our children to be.

The Core Survival Needs of Nurturance, Touch, Belongingness & Love:

What makes human beings superior to any other species, is the brain, the evolved brain, also called the neo-cortex or the intelligent brain. We as a species have been endowed with the maximum level of intelligence or consciousness than any other species on this planet. Keeping this in mind, it is very important that everything about our behavior and mechanisms is managed by our brain which takes 21 years to develop, primarily, 0-14 years for at least some kind of development. And my dear friends, the one core survival need for us as humans are not food or shelter, that comes secondary, primary survival need is nurturance, touch, a sense of belongingness, and love of both the mother and the father.

Is the Environment Safe Enough?

If and when these survival needs are not met at an early age, the brain somehow starts perceiving that it’s not in a safe environment and goes into an auto-programmed threat mode or a fearful mode all the time. That is why the concept of marriage was made in the human species so that the mother and the father could stay around with each other, nurture the child and contribute towards a well-balanced upbringing.

But since nobody explains this to us, we as parents have been auto-programmed in our childhood with behavior mechanisms and end up giving the same to our children as a legacy. These are the patterns of anger, fear, and sadness. We don’t even realize that the child is designed to learn through observation and most of the time it is the child’s environment that is creating his/her reality, so if the child is in an environment where there is a lot of conflict between the mother and the father, the child goes into a threat mode or reactive mode, and ever since it’s born, the reactive brain is being nurtured more than the conscious or cognitive brain.

So, my dear parents, Conscious Parenting is an act where parents( Both the mother and the father) are conscious from moment to moment and not behaving like subconsciously auto-programmed robots.

Are You A Robot or Are You A Human Being?

My question here to every parent is; Are you a robot or are you a human being?
We have lost the essence of consciousness somewhere, the essence to make choices, and we are constantly reacting. Now as we are aware that from the age of 0-7 years( The prime programming years of a child), the child does not have a logical brain because of which they cannot process information logically. Thus, if there is a conflict between the parents and the child( Shouting/Screaming or Saying anything that’s unacceptable to the child), the child starts believing that ‘I’m not good enough’, that ‘There’s something wrong with me’ and starts perceiving life as a threat.

Your Child Is Observing Your Behaviour!

The child is only learning very innocently through Observation. Observation creates an impact on the memory and the subconscious. We are born with something called Mirror Neurons so that we can mirror our environment and it is our environment that creates our behavior and not our genetics.

Thus, Parents need to be mindful, especially from the time of conception to the first 7 years, the foundation-building years of a child.

The child is never going to learn through a lecture so if you want your child to be a certain way, you have to display that behavior and be that change as they are going to learn by observing you. And guess what? All of these behaviors are implanted in the first 0-14 years and right after your child is about 16, 17, and adolescence, all of those behaviors start coming out and then suddenly you see your child, behaving exactly as you behave.

Are you willing to be that generation of parents who breaks the cycle and starts giving something different to your children?

A lot of parents I meet who have children above 12-14 years, ask me this question, ‘Now the damage is done, what do we do?’. So, before the age of 21, the child’s brain has fully not developed so it’s in a very malleable state, it’s not hard-wired with behaviors, it’s very simple to manipulate the brain and works on new neural pathways and new behavior mechanisms.

Beating is an absolute ‘NO’

Every species on this planet is more wired for kindness, compassion, touch, love, and belongingness. We were never wired for aggression, even a simple scolding or shouting for a small child from the parents is actually Trauma. It leads to a lot of deep-rooted trauma and psychological wounds that we are not aware of. Beating is an absolute ‘No’. There are no species on the planet that beats up its own child. It is only human beings that have lost it somewhere and we took on slapping and beating our children. When I speak to parents they say, ‘Bas Ek thappad To Maara Tha!’, it’s an absolute ‘NO’.

We Are Originally Wired For Compassion, Not Aggression!

Understand my dear friends, every human being is born with this essence of ‘God’, we all carry this true core self of divinity within us. But in the first 14 years of our life based on how our environment treated us, we lose that ‘God’ essence and start believing that we are ‘Dog’, so you’ve lost the ‘God’ and you’ve become that ‘Dog’ like character who is reacting all the time and who is missing out on the essence of losing its cognitive brain or the conscious mind. My dear friends, it’s very very important for you to take on the role of conscious parents, understand it and be kind, compassionate, and mindful parents because your children are the future of our planet tomorrow and as a collective, if each one of us become conscious then we will save our future generations.

I am once again reaffirming the fact that kindness is the key, compassion is the key, patience is the key and if you don’t have it, please don’t destroy your children’s foundation by being unkind, rude, and an auto-programmed device to your accustomed behavior.

So, first, work on yourself, and change yourself as a human being, your child will just truly pick up your behavior automatically even without you training your child. Conscious Parenting is about being mindful and learning to train your child with more patience and communication rather than aggressive behavior. You cannot scream and shout at a child and teach them something positive, it’s just not aligned with the purpose.

So once again my dear friends, Are you willing to step up as conscious parents? Because the entire future of our planet depends on our children!

Ok, That is all for now…
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Unfathomable Are the Ways of Karma

Karma literally means action. It has basically three dimensions, 

  1. One is the impression of your actions from the past, called the ‘Past Karma’, 
  2. Then there’s the action that you are doing in the present, called the ‘Present Karma’ and 
  3. The possible action that may befall you or which you would attract in the future is called ‘Destiny’. 

Life is a combination of both ‘Destiny’ and ‘Free-will’. It’s ‘Karma’ and ‘Karma Swatantrata’ both are there with you. For instance, your ‘Height’ is determined, that is your ‘Destiny’, but your ‘Weight’ is your ‘Free-will’. That, though you have not inherited the huge wealth of the past, nothing can stop you from dreaming about it and creating it in the future.

Now let’s talk about ‘Positive’ and ‘Negative’ Karma,

Suppose you have a certain ‘X’ amount of money with you to start a business and you don’t think about multiplying your capital and just sit with it. What will happen? whatever you have earned, that capital will drain over a period of time. Like that, your ‘Karma’ is your ‘Capital’. If there is a ‘Debt’ or if there is a ‘Negative Karma’ attached to you from the past, then your present action can nullify it and if there is a ‘Positive Karma’ attached to you then your present action can make it grow. In either case, ‘Doing present actions consciously is what life is all about’.

Unfathomable is the ocean of Karma because this entire creation is filled with action, there is action everywhere, even as you sit there, there is:

  • Physical, 
  • Mental, 
  • Emotional and 
  • energy activity,

Going on all the time in each one of us, whether you are awake or asleep, the dimension of karma is happening all the time and at any given time we are simultaneously reaping and sowing karma. Every day we make decisions that will result in consequences, while at the same time, we are reaping the consequences of our previous decisions. Only because over 99% is happening unconsciously, it looks like some other force is manipulating you. It’s exactly like when a bad driver gets into some kind of crash. 

Karma means reminding you that everything that I am doing and not doing is my fundamental responsibility and that you are the source of your life. Now, if you ask, ‘Is there no other force working in the Universe?’, ‘Yes it is!’, but even to harness it is your business. Nothing in life comes by itself, your life is your making, and there is nothing else that can decide. Every young person must first explore this dimension before you step out into the world and messing with other people.

You must understand, Karma is not like the ‘Reward and Punishment system’. It is just residual memory within you. Every thought, every emotion, every action, and every movement that you do in some way is recorded in your memory. This memory creates a tendency for you because so much memory is gathered naturally; it’s like building unconscious software, so naturally, it begins to function in a certain way. But, it doesn’t matter what your software is as you can always rewrite it, which is your Karma. 

Karma can never be finished, they continue, it’s like asking when will the ocean have no waves. Ocean will have waves but you can rise above the wave by being a ‘Witness’ to it, not being ‘Reactive’.

So, Will you allow unconscious activity that you have performed to rule the nature and destiny of your life? Or Will you make sure it is the conscious activity that you perform that will rule the fate of your life? This is something you have to decide! And so, see the ‘Past’ as ‘Destiny’, the ‘Future’ as your ‘Free-will’ and ‘Live happily in the Present!’.

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